Special People

Well I shared the news with staff at school yesterday that I'm pregnant for the twins' again. We have a new staff member that wasn't aware that I'd ever carried before and an 'old' staff member that had been a little nervous to even ask about it the first time. (I had showed up at the school in March pregnant, came back for 1 week of the new school year HUGE and then came back a week later no longer pregnant-but there were a few who just didn't ask about it). Due to these conversations and a comment I'd like to back up a little and explain a bit about WHY I chose to be a surrogate. This may become more emotional than any of my other posts-just a warning.

I do not really even feel as though I chose surrogacy. I believe it chose me. It is something that stuck in my head for several years and just never seem to go away. At this point I do believe surrogacy is what I was 'chosen to do'. It is the gift that I can give back to my world and my way to make a difference. I'm never going to be an activist, I'm never going to take on a career that could change the world. I am changing the world one family and child at a time (or 2 children at a time). One never knows what a child will go on to do in their life. Perhaps by raising my own 2 children I will have affected the outcome of the world. Perhaps by helping P & L to get here, they will go on to do great things and affect change in a way that I never could. And even if none of them go on to create world peace, they will all grow up to be loved, well balanced adults who will affect the world in some way, even if it's just 1 person at a time.

One hears the 'you're such an angel' line a lot. This is not a phrase I'm comfortable with. I am not an angel. I'm a woman, with the ability to carry, that could not imagine life without her children. They are my everything. It is amazing to me that I can help another woman meet her 'everythings'. Yes, what I am doing is special. I will be the first to agree that not everyone can do it. And that's ok. It's important for everyone to know their limits and what they can and can't handle. But what I find REALLY special is that this family has let me into their life in such a powerful way. It must be so hard to allow someone else access to your children 24/7 and to have to trust in a way that most people can't, that she is taking superb care of your babies. For those of you lucky enough to carry your own children, imagine letting a 'virtual stranger' into the hospital room as you birthed your babies. Imagine her there for the entire recovery. This family allowed me into the most private of private moments after their babies were born. This is not a standard thing in surrogacy. Quite often the parents stay separated from the surrogate after the babies are born. Some people need that time together alone as a family. I was fortunate to have found a family that understood that I didn't want their babies, I wanted to see them as a family. My love for them all grew so large while in the hospital after the birth. It was such a special thing to see them come together as a family! And although they might've been a little more relaxed in a private room, THEY were special enough people to include ME! So who really is the extraordinary person here? I don't think even IP's realize how special they are! Without them we as surrogates would just be like everyone else. It is because of our IP's that we are special women.

And then when I looked at the possibility of carrying for them again for a sibling, I felt so honored that they would allow me such a role. To be able to carry all of the children in their family would be amazing! As much as I wanted them to have more children if they chose, I didn't know how I'd react if they used a different surrogate. Actually I did have an idea, I figured I wouldn't react well. I'm just so thankful that I can do this for them and that they would allow me to carry for them.

Not to mention how thankful I am that they share their family memories and stories with me as though I was a family member. I've heard that some IM's (and probably IF's) worry about how to keep a good relationship after the birth without having to share their child. I am only 1 surro, but here's my take on it. I do not in any way want the babies. I love seeing them grow and hearing about what they do, but it's not a whole lot different from how I feel about my friends' kids or my nieces and nephews. Would I watch the babies for an evening so you could go out to dinner? Sure, but not because I need that time. I would only be doing it to help you out, so you can have an evening out if you wanted one. I do not expect daily updates or more than you would share with your sister or best friend. And I certainly don't need to be a best friend, but it's always nice to be thought of. I don't know if my IP's struggled with this after the birth or not. If they did they dealt with their worries very well, as I never had a clue!

So although in a perfect world everyone would be able to carry their own babies. But since we all know that's not the world we live in I am so thankful to all of the IP's that are strong enough to trust in surrogacy! You are all very special and without you us surrogates would just be women searching for a way to give back to our world.